Bute Pharmaceutical secures monopoly policing contract, changes name to Babylon
At a press conference held at the London Authority Headquarters today, Bute Pharmaceuticals announced it had secured a 30 year exclusive contract to manage, run and organise the Metropolitan Police. Sir Hector McDonaugh said, "For the past nine years, we have had proven success managing major infrastructure ventures covering healthcare, water and our own pharmaceutical development projects. We are delighted that the Mayor of London has recognised our capabalities and entrusted us with the security, safety and protection of the citizens of this great city."
Mayor Forrester added, "London is now free from the Scourge. With that threat removed, it is time to focus on restoring civilisation to all parts of the capital. I have no doubts that Hector McDonough and his fine organisation are the right people for the job."
Sir Hector also announced that Bute Pharmaceuticals would be changing its name to Babylon. "Babylon was one of the greatest cities of the ancient world, drawing its strength from the mighty river flowing through it, and with engineering advances that were the admiration of the entire world. As we strive to rebuild and reconstruct London, what better name could we choose."
In related news, Babylon reported a four-fold increase in profits, with revenues up by 150%. Analysts attributed the increase to the pricing power Babylon enjoys as a monopoly supplier of healthcare and water services in London.
Sir Hector will be hosting a celebration for the leading lights of the city at his palatial home in Kew tonight. Read the Informer tomorrow for the best celebrity insights
Scourge defeated, Mayor exultant
London is free from
Korwai Fever. That was the startling pronouncement from Mayor Forrester-Smythe
to a City Hall dinner packed with leading politicians, business leaders
The last confirmed case of Korwai Fever occurred in Poplar exactly one year ago. Despite recent significant outbreaks in Bristol, Runcorn and Southend, London is healthy while the fever continues to rage across the globe.
“Our policies of tight immigration control, rapid reaction to outbreaks and a zero tolerance policy to anyone who has suffered from the disease in the past have been vindicated,” said Forrester-Smythe. “We must maintain our vigilance and never let down our guard. The measures that we have put in place are absolutely vital if we are to continue to defend this great city.”
Missing Jessica: Kidnap theory
The search for missing
heiress Jessica Bruehl took a startling twist this morning as it emerged
that the teenager may have been kidnapped. In a statement, Detective Inspector
Michael Hunter said, “we have reason to believe that Jessica Bruehl
may be the victim of a targeted kidnapping. It logically follows that
the death of her brother may not have been the result of an unplanned
brawl but have been carried out in cold blood by the kidnappers.”
Police have issued the description of four vehicles whose drivers they
would like to trace: a black 2054 Conjuror, an early model red Cheetah,
a 2047 white Camel and a flame-red Trapeze. The public are urged to report
any sightings of these vehicles to the police.
In an emotional interview broadcast live today, distraught father Johan Bruehl, the pharmaceutical millionaire, raised his reward for rescuing his daughter to $50,000. “We know what cars these people drive; it is only a matter of time before we know their identities. I will not hesitate to use all the resources at my disposal to track down and destroy the despicable thugs who have taken my last surviving child from me.”
For details of the reward, visit the Motorway Patrol Bounties Bulletin.
A new motorway menace
Drivers are facing a new significant new threat to their safety while travelling the Motorway network. Source at the Motorway Patrol today reported a new gang targeting small convoys and lone vehicles. “We have had reports of a four car gang, consisting of a Conjuror, Camel, Cheetah and Trapeze, preying on lightly-armed travellers. While we do not condone vigilante action, we caution drivers to be careful and be prepared to respond to any attack with force.” The spokesman denied that the Motorway Patrol was under-resourced and ill-equipped to deal with the latest threat, but admitted that the new gang, together with the Motorway Marauders, posed a substantial threat to long-distance travel.
Explosion destroys abandoned colliery
Arrested members of Yellers gang freed
Detective Sergeant George Cartwright, the arresting officer, was at a loss to explain the release. “The Yellers are known as a gang of high-value car thieves, and the raid netted over $500,000 of identifiable stolen cars.”
The solicitor representing the five refused to answer questions as his clients were driven from the Paddington Green station in two bright red Elyssias.
A senior lawyer today told the Informer that car theft carried a minimum jail sentence of two years, and that the five men “should, on the basis of what you have told me, have been looking at ten years each on the car theft charges alone.”
One dead as Marauders strike again
The Motorway Marauders have carried out their fourth attack on a commercial vehicle. A National Rapide minibus on the short-haul route from Bristol to Bath was ambushed at 8.37 this morning.
According to a spokesman from the Motorway Patrol, the Marauders had planted remote-controlled mines on the road, which were detonated shortly before a number of vehicles engaged the coach. Driver Stanley Morrison, 59, was killed in the attack and crew member Don Weekes, 33, was seriously injured. None of the passengers were harmed. "This is the fourth attack from the Marauders in the past month, and took place in broad daylight on one of the most heavily patrolled sections of motorway in Britain. This gang is dangerous, and we urge any member of the public who has information on their whereabouts to contact us immediately."
Eyewitness Dawn Bunting, who was travelling on the coach, described the assault: “The first thing I heard was the explosion as our tyres blew out.We were forced to pull over. I think they destroyed the weapons in the turret next. The crew refused to surrender, so they blew open the door with explosives. The driver caught the full force of the explosion. He had no chance.”
Initial reports suggest that the bus was carrying more than simply passengers; it is believed to have been carrying the weekly payroll to the National Rapide headquarters in Bristol. If that is the case, the Marauders are likely to have stolen in excess of $100,000.
Both the Motorway Patrol and National Rapide have offered a reward for the destruction of the Motorway Marauders.
Tycoon mourns for son as police hunt for missing daughter
Dominic Bruehl, son of tycoon Johan Bruehl, was killed in an engagement with a cycle gang in the early hours of Wednesday morning. Bruehl’s Lupine was discovered among the wreckage of three cycles, all of which were liberally covered in yellow paint.
According to Detective Sergeant Andrew Fletcher of the Surrey police, the pickup’s weapons were loaded with paint rounds. “If the kid took down three gang members when armed only with practice ammunition, he must have been very skillful. But without bullets, the contest was a foregone conclusion.”
Jessica Bruehl, younger sister of Dominic, is also missing. Johan Bruehl, who is said to be “devastated” by the loss, has put out an appeal for Jessica’s return.
“I have already lost one child today. If anyone can help return Jessica to me, I implore them: please contact your local police.”
Bruehl has offered a reward for information leading to the safe return of his daughter. For further information, visit the Motorway Patrol Bounties Bulletin.